The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
