Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
