There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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