just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
