so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
