I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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