New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
