Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
