i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
