Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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