Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
