have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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