Three words: puerto rican gang bang
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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