Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
