he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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