Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
