i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
