He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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