it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
