woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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