I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
