She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
be right there i have to get my cape
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
