We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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