...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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