We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
