guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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