also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
