I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
