Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You can't just leave with hair like that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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