you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
