he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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