I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
