This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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