Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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