Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
