my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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