You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
