I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
