Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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