Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
