happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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