Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
