Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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