I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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