If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
