I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
