There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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