There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
