It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
