The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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