glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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