3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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