dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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