I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
