I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
