knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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