The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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