do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Couch. On fire.
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