LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
