He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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