My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
