Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
