We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
