Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
