If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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