you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
